My Wife.

I just wanted to tell every one who reads this that I have the best wife in the whole wide world! Who is laughing at me right now, I don't understand why... now she is calling me a dork. I mean I still love her... okay, now she left the room.

Ok, so now I can say what I really wanted to say in the first place. Not because I can't say it in front of her but because I want it to be a surprise.

Truth be told I am a dork, or at least I can be at times. I like computer games, and computers in general. I work with computers and I still come home and play for a few hours sometimes. Although I have been better about that lately it has come to my attention that for the past three nights I have largely ignored my wife. Not intentionally but I have none the less ignored her.

Guys, this message is for you. Yes I know that probably the only people that read this are our family and friends but on the off chance you have no clue who we are this is for you.

Consider these the 15 **CRASH** the 10 commandments of being a good husband. (that is a blatant HISTORY OF THE WORLD reference, if you haven't seen it, it is a great movie. Really good and funny, not laugh so hard you wet yourself type funny but more like... laugh so hard you'll get the hiccupps kind of funny. What? That doesn't happen to you? Right, well then. Moving along.)

10) Thou shalt take out the trash when thou art asked.

9 ) Thou shalt actually look at thine wife when she asketh "Doth this looketh okay?"

8 ) Thou shouldst learn not to looketh at another woman no matter how hotteth she appear.

7 ) Thou shalt answer always "No" When thine wife asks "Does this maketh me look fat?"

6 ) Thou shalt never forget any date of any import to thine wife, thy wife shall remember such deeds. Remembrance shall be rewarded and forgetfulness shall be delt with in a manner seen fit by the forgotten, believeth me such a thing is not good.

5 ) Thou shalt from time to time buy thy wife flowers.

4 ) Thou shalt remove any graven images of ex-girlfriends from thine place of dwelling as soon as is possible, thou shalt NOT attempt to hide them. Thine wife will surely find them, and on that day there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth, and all guilty parties shall spend a fortnight in the dwelling of the dog.

3 ) Thou shalt learn that as the home is a man's castle, and there he is king. So is his wife queen, and she doth own the bathrooms.

2) If thy wife is having trouble sleeping, thou shalt take what ever steps necessary to comfort thine wife in her time of trouble, else thou shalt receive no rest for a time much greater, and the stench of thy discomfort wouldst reach the heavens.

1 ) Thou shalt kiss thine wife goodnight every night and tell her you doth love her, because she wedded you and you cannot imagine life in her absence.